im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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