did you get engaged???
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
