u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
