OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
