Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
