Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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