We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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