I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
