I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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