Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
