Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't deserve a penis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
