You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
