Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
