talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
