I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
