doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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