Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
