Umm I'm too high to move.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
