We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
