A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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