Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
