The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
