I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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