That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
