You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
