watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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