1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
