The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
