just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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