my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
