When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
