she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
