Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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