I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
