Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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