Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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