Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
