Someone shit on the floor
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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