my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
