So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
