I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
