Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
