I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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