In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is Oprah even human
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
