2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
