she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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