your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
