I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
