Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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