Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
