p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
