So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
