im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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