I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
