Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
