Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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