I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
