I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
