God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
