I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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