I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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