arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
